A message brought to you by yours truly

"If you can't handle me at my worst,
Then you don't deserve me at my best."

I'm thinking of making 2007 a ''no time for guys'' year...
No tears.
No drama.
No bullshit.
No complications.
No mess to clean up.
No one to break my trust.
No reason to feel used or betrayed.
No wanting to pound my head into a rock.
No cause to get my hopes up for what will just fall through anyways.

I'm a simple girl who doesn't ask for much other than some respect, honesty, & attention... those three items makes Elaine a happy girl and we all like when Elaine is happy don't we. You treat me nicely means I treat you nicely. Simple, right? But I know that probably seems like A LOT for all of you to handle but there's gotta be someone who can live up to those extremely high expectations. In my unfortunate experience, guys have been far more complicated than I have ever been. So, please, just calm yourselves down before entering into my life. I thank you in advance.

1st Grade Nonsense

Now coming from East Lyme there is not a whole lot of diversity. I believe we had 5, maybe 6, students of African descent/darkened skin/you're still an American in our entire high school - and 2 of them were twins. The elementary school I am working at, on the other hand, is quite different. The minority is clearly those of lighter skin, such as myself. The first day I worked there they all went down the line introducing themselves to me. Now let me tell you there were a lot of names with q's and such. Some of the girls' names: Star, Giselle, LaQuanda... Some of the boys' names: Elahn, DeVON (said with emphasis on the -von), Jose, Dante, Elijah, Enrico, Shaquan, Alberto... annnnd I'm still working on mastering the other 40 kids' names. They're so innocent yet such devils at the same time always trying to get away with what they can the second you turn away.

I was placed in charge of the little runts known as 1st graders the past 2 days. Most of the time I am busy yelling "hey, why are you outta your chair" "Yes, I'll take you to the bathroom" "hey you, tie your shoe" "excuse me I was talking" "keep your hands to yourself" "why did you do that" "hey, where do you think you're going" "you wrote your 4 backwards" "NO" etc etc etc. But the kids really make me laugh thinking they can get away with things, but I, for one, feel fortunate enough to have large eyes that tend to dig into the person staring at them.

For example, without even realizing my eyes had become large (and the light that you shine can be seen, BABAYYYY...cue Seal) this little girl, Raven, says to me ever so slowly and without pronouncing any of her r's, "Miss Elaine, can you never open your eyes that big ever again...they're scary."

And she didn't act up the rest of the time. I win.

Things I Hate

Jess recently did this and, like she was at the time, I am in a hating, foul mood:

• drivers who ride my ass when I'm already going over the speed limit and perhaps then proceed to pass me in a no-passing zone... you really aren't going to get there that much faster
• Peeps, the terrible Easter marshmallow nastiness
• rich kids that drive around the car that 'daddy got me' and are going to the most expensive school but partying all the time because they don't have to worry about loans or getting out of school and finding a good job
• deer - terrible animal
• minivans and the dads who drive them really fast when their kids aren't in the car - yeah, rev that engine hottie
• drivers who don't turn off their brights when coming towards me - I have sensitive eyes!
• people who facebook everyone they meet just so they can have 12987546 friends
• the girls on 'My Sweet 16' and Spencer on 'The Hills' because he always looks like he's smiling when he talks - way too much teeth action going on
• working out but not getting quick results
• disorganization, no matter what it is... desk, kitchen, bedroom, car
• being tired but not being able to fall asleep
• all the emo pictures girls take of themselves for their myspace/facebook
• my knee not getting any better despite my efforts
• hearing people bicker about the most pointless things
• when my laptop decides to shut off on me or just not function in general, which is basically every day
• when I find out a guy lied to me or "didn't lie" but just didn't tell the truth
• goldschlager and rum ... both cause the same result and you do not want to be present when that happens
• when people don't look at both sides of a situation, especially within the media i.e. Iraq
• how politicians spend millions to win the election in which they lie throughout the entire campaign just so they can win when they could be spending that money on feeding the malnourished, housing the homeless, paying for health care for those without insurance or who cannot afford it, or toward some form of scientific research
• how the first place to lose weight from and last to gain weight in is your boobs... very unfortch in my case
• living in a materialistic society
• when people litter and/or don't recycle... I'm not a tree hugger but honestly, it's so simple to do and it saves earth's resources etc etc I'm not going to go into dork mode right now
• when people misspell - I'm not saying I'm the brightest crayon in the box but I'm talking middle school possibly elementary school grammar here
• cancer
  
  

Just One More Hour

Bored and couldn't sleep and didn't have much to write about soo survey it is
...oh, and happy valentine's day

1. Hi, my name is...
Laaaainerrrr

2. Never in my life have I...
gone sky diving

3. The one person who can drive me nuts is...
BernBern, but only the way she talks on the phone or when she's telling a story and giving all the details that are not necessary such as what the exact time was when ohhh ummmm shoot can't remember his name hmmm what is his name?! oh shoot well anyway... Other than that, I love that girl.

4. High school was...
better than I realized

5. When I'm nervous...
My palms get sweaty and my voice shakes and my leg bounces up and down

6. The last time I cried was...
last night

7. If I were to get married right now my wedding party would be...
I want a big wedding so: Betsey, Allison, Jess, Jill, Carrie, Lindsey, & Erin

8. My hair is...
annoying me.

9. When I was 5....
I was climbing trees and making forts and running between my 2 boyfriends houses

10. Last Christmas....
I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it awayyy - only heard this song about 1000 times working at bbdubs

11. I should be...
trying to get some sleep but that'd be kind of pointless now since I have to get up in an hour

12. When I look down I see...
my dog snoozing at the end of my bed

13. The craziest recent event was...
not so crazy but I got the flu... I've never had it before!!

14. If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be...
Monica...because she's organized of course

15. By this time next year, I will...
Hypothetically...be happily back in school & have a plan for where I'm going with my life

16. My current gripe is...
the word gripe

17. I have a hard time understanding...
big words

18. There's this girl I know who...
loves gin buckets

19. You know I like you when...
I explain that my resting face doesn't mean I am actually a bitch

20. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be...
any member of my family

21. Take my advice..
don't take anything for granted because it'll come back and slap you in the face

22. My most wanted item is...
a new car and/or laptop

23. If you visited the place I was born...
you would be in our historic "city" of New London...home of the courthouse where the trial of the Amistad took place weeeeeeeeeee

24. I plan to visit...
The ITH, Hoboken, Vermont, Madrid, UConn, New Haven...

25. If you spent the night at my house...
you'd be really cold. we like to live in the arctic

26. I'd stop my wedding if...
my husband doesn't cry when I walk down the aisle hahaaa

27. The world could do without...
extremists

28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than...
die?

29. Most recent thing I've bought myself...
black boots with some snazzy gems from Baker's on sale from $100 down to $27!!!

30. Most recent thing someone else bought me.
some alcoholic beverages

31. My favorite blonde is...
care-care and lnicks obv

32. My favorite brunette is...
myself :)

33. My evening plans include...
hopefully making it home from hartford in the snow/ice

34. My middle name is...
Katherine...eh

35. This morning I...
am going to be spending a lot of time waiting

36. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are...
pigs

37. Once, at a casino...
I won $100 on a free spin!

38. Last night I was...
curled up in fetal posish wondering whyyyy meeeee bc I was still feeling sick

39. There's this guy I know who...
has gotten me to appreciate poker a little bit - imagine that!

40. I don't know...
much of anything really

41. A better name for me would be...
I like the uniqueness that has come out of my name...Lanye, Lainers, Lainey, EEEEElaine

42. Tomorrow I am...
driving up to hartford at 4am for the day and possibly the night

43. my birthday is...
april 13th - mark it!

44. What I really want for Valentine's Day is...
for everything to be okay

Breakthrough Weight-Loss Plan!

...get the flu

all 'lil thug could do was cry, cry, why'd they kill my dog? damn man I miss my Uncle Charles y'all

I don't know what it is about this song, but I have always loved it. My friends have often witnessed me singing along to it complete with my very own choreography. My basketball team in high school even had this song played as I walked onto the court on senior night. Perhaps it's the old school ghettoness. Maybe it's the creepy video. Or maybe it's trying to figure out what exactly it is they are saying and then feeling somewhat accomplished when you do. Either way, it will always hold a special place in my heart.

Amputation, perhaps?

Having an injury that lasts more than 2 years is the most frustrating thing. You know it's a real good sign when even your physical therapist of the past 5 years says there's nothing he can do anymore. It is so incredibly difficult to go from being somewhat of a standout athlete to being a cripple/gimp/question if you could qualify for a handicap sticker. Feels pretty fabulous. Anytime I bend my leg past 30 degrees means that I am in pain. Now, can anyone tell me what I can do that doesn't bend my leg past that?! RAR. Don't ever take having the ability to run, ski, hike, walk, go up/down stairs, or exercise in any shape or form for granted because I most definitely did at one point in my life.

Ohhh Betsey Take II

What I had to deal with beforehand: Exhibit A

Exhibit B
After cleaning out her bottom drawer this is what was left
She used to think her stuffed animals would suffocate if not placed in the open
Therefore, this was her idea of keeping them safe

My idea of safe-keeping

After Day 2 - all trash

Cleaning off her desk:

My family will never have to buy hangers again

Ahhh what a closet should look like :)

Organization, organization, organization!

Aww so pretty!

Look at that masterpiece!

If she messes it up, I will scream/punch/kill

The hallway after all was said and done

I of course decided to have a fashion show using some of Betsey's

quote-unquote fashionable items

yayyy jumpers for grown-ups!!
Loving the cargo pants

Oversized overalls were always a must

And of course for warm weather as well

J. Lo?

Going on a safari

Because who doesn't want a XXXL sweatshirt?

Mooooooo!

A few other items that I came across in my final moments:

• a rubber chicken that squawks upon pressing in its belly
• 2 more keys which gives a total of 7
• $43.97 in pure change...all coins...lots of silver and also a hefty pile of foreign change...Euros or something like that
• 3 cameras - 1 old school, 1 disposable, & 1 digital

On a final note, my heart goes out to Alfonso & Salva as they are the ones who are currently enduring living with this mess of a human being. If you should ever feel the need to cry, yell, or kick her out, we completely understand.